Small Talkby Judith Bowman on 08/08/17
You are at the dining table having a spirited discussion with the person on your left however, the person on your right is not responding and appears bored or disinterested.
You are walking from the reception area to their office or meeting room, going up the elevator ... 36 floors (!) with your host who says nothing.
Silence may be "golden" ... or deafening!
SMALL TALK. Small talk is a really inappropriate expression for something that should be called the complete opposite: "big talk" "huge talk" or "really important talk" because it is the ice breaker which helps break barriers that retard building rapport and advancing interpersonal relationships. This seemingly ordinary, everyday ritual of making small talk - especially with perfect strangers, can be daunting and a challenge only for the unpracticed. Small Talk is truly an art and a skill you can use to positively influence and jump-start new relationships. However, you need to practice every day in order to become proficient, and have savvy small talk become part of you and your savvy authentic self.
The seemingly inconsequential ordinary gesture of making Small Talk is analogous to the prelude before a performance or the preface of a book... It is the set-up for what we hope will be a seamless transition into meaningful business discussions. The misleading term utterly misrepresents its undulating power. Small talk should be acknowledged for the singular opportunity it holds to adroitly manipulate ... in all good ways(!) people and situations to your advantage. In fact, not accessing competent small talk can limit you and be detrimental in business.
When you take the time and make the effort to hone your small talk skills you will be richly rewarded as you experience the confidence in knowing you are not only helping place others at ease and making them feel special, you are at the same time, kindling the trust factor that spark relationships while quietly, yet most assuredly distinguishing yourself. The act of tactfully engaging others and the ability to artfully draw out the best in others to create more meaningful connections and advance careers cannot be overstated.
When you initiate the small talk this accomplishes three important tasks:
1. keeps you in the Control position.
2. takes the burden off you to speak first.
3. affords you the opportunity to hear the other person speak (first) thereby acquiring valuable information.
Information derived from listening to their voice including tone, inflections, words they use, grammar, diction, etc., permits you to get a sense of their inner emotions such as nervousness, boredom, trepidation, ... allowing you to ultimately adjust your own behavioral style and adapt to ultimately connect.
As for topics, anything out - in plain view or even outdoors is fair game for small talk such as awards and plaques which further convey valuable information about the other person you can use to help advance your goals. The weather is rich in content, as is your recent flight, traffic, directions, their gorgeous gardens ... the beautiful artwork, the new construction (!) ... Sports are also safe topics however, sports teams are only a part of it. You may notice a sports watch or anything in their office revealing an avid golfer, yachtsman, runner, etc. It is absolutely appropriate to ask questions and make comments to enhance personal knowledge and advance relationships. However, be careful with your questions and comments...(!)
It is interesting to note that in High Context Cultures such as Asia and South America, business is never discussed or conducted during the first few meetings which include primarily of the company of family and close friends. Small talk and random conversation about anything other than business is the rule as meetings are focused exclusively on evaluating others to develop the critical trust factor simply required to conduct business in High Context Cultures.
Whereas an important characteristic of Low Context Cultures here in America for example, is the aspect of time, and, as the very American saying goes, "time is money!" Inherent in our genetic make-up is the urge to eliminate small talk and quickly get down to business at hand.
Understanding cultural nuances and the importance small talk plays in advancing personal rapport is integral to successfully competing in our global economy. Do your research and be prepared in any cultural environment where you hope to conduct future business.
Practicing engaging others will help you hone this brilliant skill, make others feel acknowledged, may even help brighten another person's day ultimately, making you feel pretty good, too! Extending a random greeting, unexpected comment or compliment prompting a reply and perhaps even leading to further dialogue is ultimately energizing for everyone.
Making something from nothing is an art and takes work ... and changing what might otherwise be a non-eventful experience standing in the elevator or waiting for your latte, has the potential to be quickly altered into a memorable event or transformed into an enchanting experience while perhaps acquiring a significant new relationship along the way!